A good joke can make you laugh, of course, it can also test your smarts, and it can even make you reminisce about some of the best times of your life. A bad joke, however, can make you laugh even harder, might test your wit on a greater scale, and the snorting upon realizing just how good it is might spread a whole new kind of virus on the screen of your laptop. Yup, you got it; this is our list dedicated solely to the bad, the good, and the most cringe jokes ever.
So, what embodies a cringe joke? Well, a dash of dark humor is essential for some of them, but we love those spicier kinds of laughs, don’t we? Still, others fall into the category of lame jokes. You know, the ones that are so bad they morph into pure goodness. And then there are the plain silly jokes that would crack up a five-year-old, you, and your grandpapa. So, be it a bad joke, a dark joke, or the best joke ever, they all share that certain something to make them into a cringe-worthy arrangement of words.
We guess the introductions are sufficient, so why don’t we skip straight to the fun jokes themselves? Cringe all you want, but give the most impressive jokes your vote, so we’ll know that you’ve liked them! Also, it would be real friendly of you to share this galore of laughs with your friends, don’t you think?
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The CEO of IKEA has just been appointed as the Prime Minister of Sweden.
He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
I bet it’s called Hevklodr.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
Please do not ingest
What concert is worth just 45 cents?
50 Cent and Nickelback.
Well Nickelback are worth $4.95 if they sing “I got 5 on it”.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
It’s probably why I got run over.
This one made me laugh out loud… way too hard
I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet.
So far I’ve got twelve fridges.
What time is it?
I don’t know. It keeps changing.
🎵For the times they are a-changin🎵
Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
It was a quality assurance position at a mirror factory.
What’s the difference between a dapper man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Ohh very funny 👏👏
5/6 scientists say that Russian Roulette is safe.
0/6 scientists recommend using an automatic pistol.
What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree?
The unhoused Trump aides.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
U need to get surgery, ur funny bone is broken
Who writes ghost stories?
A ghost writer.
I don’t understand this one
What do we call a crying sister?
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Someone who doesn’t know how to disassociate. IT’S NOT INCEST IF WE’RE NOT OURSELVES!!
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
Times fun when your having flies!
What’s the No. 1 cause of divorce?
“100% of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.” – Steve Aylett
You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st because it’s only the first date.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
What do you get a man with the heart of a lion?
A lifetime ban from the zoo.
A man died after drinking varnish. It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
It’s so sad to see a marriage head north.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
What do they call suppository in Italian? In you endo!
What does a baby computer call his father?
And does he call his mom motherboard?
Why did the toilet paper roll downhill?
To get to the bottom.
What did the animals tell Simba when he walked too slow?
mufasa wasnt moving at all
What kind of tea is hardest to swallow?
How do snails fight?
They slug it out.
How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.
What do you call Batman if he skips church?
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and says, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
If you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
. . .
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?
Ñ O O Ö Ô Ò Ó Õ Ø Ō 0 o .
I used to have a job at the calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.
See, I heard it was cuz he stole a couple of dates…
What did the man in the orthopedic shoes say?
“I stand corrected.”
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
A company is making glass coffins.
It’s clear this might not be a good idea.
Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece!
Freedom fries aren’t free!!
I had a neck brace fitted years ago,
And I’ve never looked back since.
I went to the store to pick up some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why did the priest pee in the holy water? He was trying to fill in all the holes!
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
If they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?
How much does an influencer weigh?
Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead.
Why do you tell actors to break a leg?
Every play has a cast.
Why are math books always sad?
Because they are filled with problems.
They do have their pluses and minuses
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One you’ll see later, the other you’ll see in a while.
What kind of music do windmills like?
They’re metal fans.
I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.
What’s better than Ted Danson?
Ted Danson and singin’.
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
What kind of dogs love car racing?
What did the drummer call his two twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock, knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
More than 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?
A communist joke isn’t funny…
…unless everyone gets it.
I’m thinking about removing my spine.
I feel like it’s only holding me back.
A guy went into the hospital and they removed his left side. He’s all right now.
Where do skunks pray?
Why did the snowman pick through a bag of carrots?
Because he was picking his nose.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious?
Someone who points out the obvious.
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
What do you call a snobby criminal going downstairs?
A condescending con descending.
What did the princess say in the photo booth?
“Someday my prints will come.”
I say that to my printer all the time
Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport?
Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
Why don’t male nudists like to go to a psychologist? As soon as they walk in, you can see their nuts!
What did one elevator say to the other?
“I think I’m coming down with something.”
What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
You know why they called it “the dark ages?”
There were too many knights.
Why did the melons have a big wedding?
Because they cantaloupe.
Have you heard the joke about the bed?
No? That’s because it hasn’t been made yet.
What did the grape do when it got stomped on?
It let out a little wine.
I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Why was the horse so happy?
Because he lived in a stable environment.
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where is the bar tender?”
3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.
But when they turned it on it set the whole world on fire and thus 2020
Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
What are asteroids?
They are rocks that went to the gym.
What did the zebra say the first time he saw a piano?
Went to the corner shop today… Bought four corners.
What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Zebras, I lied about both
There are three types of people in the world.
Those who can count and those who can’t.
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who know base 2 and those who don’t.
What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
Well, now, all of them.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
“You’re too young to be smoking.”
Son: Where are my sunglasses?
Dad: I don’t know… where are my dad glasses?
My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.
I witnessed an attempted murder earlier—fortunately only one crow showed up!
What did one bean say to the other?
“How you bean?”
What did the thumb say to the finger?
“I’m in glove with you.”
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic but then I remembered that…
…it’s always going to be okay!
How do mountains see?
What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
What’s the loudest kind of pet you can get?
What’s the best time to see a dentist?
What state do crayons go to on vacation?
What did the shoe say to the confused hat?
You go on ahead.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name.
Vlad the Impaler; Mack the Knife….let’s keep it going people
Today my son asked me for a book Mark.
Can’t believe he’s 11 and still doesn’t know I’m named Dave.
I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
I only charge for calvary myself!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own?
It was two tired.
But why did the tricycle stay home? It was feeling like a third wheel.
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
A woman kept saying to her psychologist, “wigwam, teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam, teepee!”!
He told her, “Relax, you two tents!”!
I’m thinking about getting a new haircut… I’m going to mullet over.
What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
There is a new kid in the tournament, no one wants to be downstream from him because he’s a real wiz! When he pulls out his pole he takes the p!ss out of the competition!
I bought some cool shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked them to name the world’s best composer, they all said, “Bach bach bach!”
How does Moses make tea?
What did the mime say to his audience?
Nothing. He’s a consummate professional.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man’s apartment, the officer found the man’s bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case.
Why did Cyclops close his school?
He only had one pupil.
Why does Waldo only wear stripes?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
What do hillbillies drink from?
Why did the golfer need new pants?
Because he got a hole in one.
Did you hear about the satellites’ wedding?
The ceremony was OK, but the reception was terrific.
What was the mummy’s favorite type of music?
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
An octopus has eight arms. A squid has ten tentacles. Jesus Christ.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car.”
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy?
Cut off its tail and it’ll be delighted!
You got a haircut?
Looks like you got all of them cut!
See, I got a hair cut and no one even noticed! Maybe next time I’ll do two or three and see if anyone notices
Which school supply is king?
What do you call an Italian astronaut?
An Italian fog is a bigamist.
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time!
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
What did the teacher do with the student’s report on cheese?
She grated it.
What’s a foot’s favorite snack?
You’d think it’d be Free-toes
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is heavy and one is a lot lighter.
One is a ‘little’ lighter 🤦
What is the best Christmas present ever?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
How many ears do space aliens have? Three: The left ear, right ear and the final front ear.
What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They’re both purple except the rabbit.
Can I watch the TV?
Yes, but don’t turn it on.
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