Ducks, the prudent mediators between geese and humans, the bread crumb-fueled cardinals, the peacekeepers that we all should look up to. You shouldn’t judge a duck on its plain attire or one that’s too flamboyant – those are just guises of this majestical bird’s wisdom. Their gentle quack and projectile butt offshoots are also just a smokescreen to bamboozle us, unwitting onlookers, as the duck does know the secrets to the universe. So very much unlike us! We’re just the regular Earth dwellers, trying to figure out the galaxy by naming the stars, praying to goddesses, and making up silly jokes as we go. And, in the jealousy of the aforementioned bird’s abilities, we also try to mock them with a roster of duck jokes. Lovingly mock them, of course, as with any deity, one should be very careful not to cross the line that would bring its wrath upon us.
It is like this in the world of bird jokes – ones about chickens are so very hackneyed, those about exotic birds – so very unrelatable, but once a duck is mentioned, the scene suddenly changes. Now, we’re hushed and listening closely. The duck joke might come as something so original, you’ll have to have a moment to think about it, or it might bring a gale of laughter right away. But, no matter the case, you just know that you’ve just heard the best joke in your life.
There’s nothing to prove here with these cute duck jokes – they’ll prove their worth on their own. All we have to do is just waddle a bit further down, read the smart jokes without quacking up, and vote for the ones to our liking. If you agree that these are the best jokes ever, so will your friends! That is – if you share this article with them.
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What do you call a duck that breaks into people’s houses? A robber ducky!
What do you call movies that ducks like to watch? Duck-umentaries.
What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks? Firequackers.
What’s a duck’s favorite fantasy movie? Lord of the Wings.
What do you call a clever duck? A wise quacker.
What was the secret agent duck named? James Pond!
What is storytime called when you read to ducklings? Ducktales.
What’s a duck’s favorite part of the news? The feather forecast.
What time do ducks get up? The quack of dawn.
Why did the duck get detention? He couldn’t stop quackin’ jokes in class.
What do ducks have with their soup? Quackers!
Did the duck couple make plans for their night out? No, they decided to wing it.
What game did the duck play at the arcade? Quack-a-mole.
What slogan did the geese use in their anti-duck propaganda? “Quack is wack.”
What language can a duck who converses with geese speak fluently? Portu-geese.
Why did the duck go to the chiropractor? To get it’s back quacked.
What do ducks use to fix things around their house? Duck tape!
What happens if a duck with hiccups lays eggs? It lays scrambled eggs.
Most ducks live in what state? Duckota.
Why did the duck get a second job? He had too many bills.
Why did the duck end up in jail? He was selling quack.
There were no more clients for the duck doctor. Everyone knew he was a quack!
Why don’t ducks need smartphones? The web is already on their feet!
What do you call a rude duck? A duck with a quackitude.
What did the lawyer say to the duck in court? “I demand an egg-splanation!”
Where did the duck go when he was sick? To the ducktor.
What do mallards eat at a baseball game? Quacker-jacks.
What’s a duck’s favorite animal at the zoo? Quackodiles.
Why did the duck go to the bank? She wanted to get more bills.
Why do ducks like campfires? They love seeing them quackle at night.
What did the detective say to his partner? “Let’s quack this case!”
What do you call a crazy duck? A wacky duck!
Did you hear about the duck that swam into sewage? He smelled fowl.
What do you call slang between young ducks? Ducklingo.
What kind of egg does an optimistic duckling hatch from? Sunny side up.
What kind of egg does a calm and collected duckling come from? Over easy.
What does a duck say when they disagree with someone? “That’s reduckulous.”
What game does a duck play at the bar? Bill-iards.
What did the cow and duck name their new rock band? Cheese and quackers!
How do you know if a duck is scared? He’s quacking in his boots.
On what side does a duck have the most feathers? The outside.
What did the duck say to the banker? “My bill is bigger than yours.”
What is a duck’s favorite sea monster? The quacken.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck? He avoids walking into a bar.
What do ducks carry their school books in? Quack-packs!
Why do ducks never grow up? Because they grow down.
What’s a duck’s favorite vegetable? An eggplant!
Why don’t ducks like reading directions? They prefer to wing it.
What’d the duck say when he dropped his plate? “I hope I didn’t quack it!”
Where do tough ducks come from? Hard-boiled eggs.
Why did the duckling almost fall on the sidewalk? She tripped on a quack.
Why did the duck have to go to the auto shop? His windscreen was quacked!
What do you call a crate that’s filled with a bunch of ducks? A box of quackers!
Which musician do ducks listen to the most? Drake.
What do you call it when it’s raining chickens and ducks? Fowl weather.
Did you ever hear about the poor duck who wanted plastic surgery for his face? He couldn’t afford the bill.
The rest of Joey’s aviary is so well behaved! He just couldn’t get his ducks in a row.
What does a duck say when they’re sick? They’re feeling under the feather.
What did the bird in the air yell when the bird in the water was in danger? Hey! Duck!
What document did the duck politician write on his mouth? The bill of rights.
What is it called when a duck commits an illegal act in waterpolo? A water-fowl!
The duckling got grounded for his language. He had a fowl mouth.
How did the duck parents know their duckling was a prodigy? He was eggcelent from birth!
What kind of egg does a disorderly duckling come from? Scrambled.
What fabric softener to ducks use? Downy!
What does a duck use to break an almond open? A nutquacker.
Where do ducks go shopping? The mall-ard.
What do you call the evil ruler of a small pond? A ducktator!
Ducks can’t carry up to four fish in their bill. But a peli-can!
The duck detective knew something was amiss the second he took the case. He suspected fowl play.
What do you get when you cross a duck and a wiener dog? A duckshund!
Who was the duck’s favorite politician? Bill Clinton!
What do you call it when a group of mallards is making too much noise? Quackophany!
You can’t get any information from Spy Duck. He’s a tough nut to quack.
What do ducks say when people throw things at them? “Time to duck!”
What do you get if you cross a duck and Santa Claus? A Christmas quacker.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes? “I hope I didn’t quack any!”
What did the duck say when the waitress came? “Put it on my bill!”
Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why do ducks fly south for the winter? It’s too far to waddle.
Why did the duck get a red card in the football game? For fowl-play.
Two ducks were swimming in a pond. One of them said “Quack quack.” Then the other said, “Hey, I was about to say that!”
Why are ducks, bad drivers? Their windshields are quacked.
Why was the duck put into the basketball game? To make a fowl shot!
What do duck physicists say? “Quark, quark.”
What do pre-teen ducks hate? Voice quacks.
Why did the duck go to the bank? He wanted to get a new bill.
Why did the duck cross the road? Because there was a quack on the sidewalk.
How do you get down off a horse? You don’t get down off a horse — you get down off a duck.
What do they say about French ducks? They have a certain je ne sais quack about them.
Chicken! Duck! Pheasant plucker! Oh, sorry — excuse my fowl language.
What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula!
What’s a duck do when he hears a joke he likes? He quacks up!
What should a duck wear to a fancy event? A duck-sedo!
How do ducks make pancakes? They use Bis-quack!
What’s a duck always order with its Chinese food? An eggroll.
What did the cow tell the duck when she heard she won the lottery? “You lucky duck!”
Why do ducks lay eggs? If they dropped them, they would break.
Daffy didn’t mind that he lost the swimming match against Bugs. It was like water off a duck’s back.
Did you ever hear about the duck that got his feathers knocked off? He couldn’t tell up from down.
Why was the baby duck sad? He was feeling down.
Why do spiders like ducks so much? Their webbed feet.
What point of a view does a duck write a book in? Bird person.
I’ve noticed a lot of rubber waterfowl in TV shows lately. Getting sick of all this produck placement.
What news did the duck get from the doctor? He had a perfect bill of health!
I went searching for ducks at the pond but only found other birds. It was a wild goose chase.
Where do ducks go to search for jokes? The world wide webbed feet!
How do ducks propose? With a wedding wing.
What do you call a kind and successful duck? A waddle citizen.
Why did the duck need his window fixed? There was a quack in it!
What does a duck shout when it’s angry? “What the duck?”
One day a duck ran into his cousin from Canada. He was a bit of a loon.
What do you call a duck that’s biting someone? Peking Duck!
What do you call a ghost duck? A poultrygeist!
The duck was upset by how little his boss paid him. He said it was a poultry
sum.
Where do ducks live? Bill-dings!
Did you hear what the delinquent duck said when his teacher told him to stop talking in class? “Waddle you do about it?”
What’s the name of Mr. Duck’s favorite drummer? Wingo Star!
What is the baby duck’s favorite game? Beak-a-boo.
Why did the duck sleep under the car? Because he wanted to wake up oily.
How can you tell rubber ducks apart? You can’t because they look egg-xactly the same!
What do you call a cow and two ducks? Milk and quackers.
When is roast duck bad for your health? When you’re the duck.
What happens when a duck flies upside down? It quacks up.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Quack! Quack who? Quack open the door and you’ll see!
How do ducks talk? They don’t, they quack.
Why do ducks say quack? Because it can’t say moo.
What did the flying golf ball yell to the mallards in the pond? Duck!
Why didn’t the duck have any money? Because he already had a big bill.
Where can you find pictures of duck feet? They’re on the webbed.
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